Scully's Musings
by MullySculder
Summary: HI! Here's an XFiles story that I wrote and I really have no idea where it goes, it might be part of my other story, but it could also be a stand alone. Anyhow, read it if you like and if you want to review it that would be great! Thanks!


**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Fox Mulder or Dana Scully, they are the property of Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen productions.**

**Spoilers: Hmmm... I guess "The Truth" this is post "The Truth", so if you haven't seen the episode I guess you shouldn't read this.**

Whenever she was asked how long it was she had been married, Scully always had to remember what the _real_ answer was. Truth be told, she and Mulder had only been officially married for 2 years now. Granted, there weren't any wedding certificates barring the names Fox William Mulder and Dana Katherine Scully, but they were married. She still remembered the night she took her vows with her husband, in that dark hotel room in Arizona, their second month they were on the run. They had been married by a Justice of the Peace in the local City Hall earlier in the day, but somehow that ceremony didn't quite do it for either one of them. The vows they made to each other that evening were more sacred than any ever uttered by a Priest or any other religious official.

In some ways, though, the day they got married was just a formality, they were married a long time before they went before that Justice of the Peace or made those vows to each other in that dark hotel room. They had relied solely on each other for more years than she could count, if that wasn't being married, what was? It might not have been a marriage in the way the IRS recognizes it, or anyone else for that matter but she knew in her heart that they were married a long time ago.

She knew when they became more than partners, when the shift started to happen for them. Shortly after her illness was diagnosed she knew how much Mulder felt for her without him having to say anything, that's just how it always was between them -the fewer words spoken, the better. She remembered the evening when she heard him crying in her hospital room, she never let on that she was awake, but was so taken by the depth of grief he felt for her it was something she kept with her to this day. Neither one of them ever spoke of that moment or the many ones that followed and neither ever would, that's just the way it was between the two of them and they both understood that. Shortly after that evening, she noticed the way he looked at her had changed. It was almost if he was looking at her to memorize her in case she went somewhere.

There were many more instances over the years that made Scully aware of them being more than just partners, this was long before anything physical ever happened between them. His going to the ends of the earth, literally, to save her was something that went above and beyond the boundaries of regular "partnerships" both she knew it and he knew it. She couldn't imagine anyone else willing to do as much for her and she would do the same for him. She meant what she said in that bureau car in 1992 "_I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you_." and she always would mean it. Her present existence was a testimony as to how much she was willing to sacrifice for him. Giving up security, her family, a stable home life for the man she not just loved but **had** to be with, not because she couldn't live without him, but more that she wasn't living when she was without him. She realized when he was first abducted and then when he left for their security the loss of him was almost unbearable. It wasn't just the physical absence, but the not being able to communicate with him that almost did her in. Unable to discuss things with him, not able to just be with him without saying a word, the looks that communicated more than mere words ever could. Then there were the touches, the feel of his hand on the small of her back, him reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, her reaching out to hold his hand when she sensed he needed her. All that gone in an instant when he went away. She missed it all terribly during that time and never wanted to be without any of it again.

So, she made her choice back in New Mexico to follow him to the ends of the earth if need be, to give up her former life for the only real living she had ever done. She wasn't going to pretend that it wasn't difficult, because it was. It was harder than medical school and the FBI Academy combined. The constant moving, the worrying, the need to stay just one step ahead of whichever agency was chasing them. The relying on Danny to make sure everything was taken care of without their actual involvement. That was the most difficult thing of the situation, not being in control, because truth be told, Scully always loved being in control and now that she wasn't, it was unnerving.

She felt blessed that Mulder had made the financial arrangements so far ahead of the game. She remembered that night in the hotel room in New Mexico, and the exact moment that the panic began to set in for her. She started thinking how and what they would live on, she expressed her concerns to Mulder who said nothing, just held her to him like he would never let her go.

_"Dana, it's going to be OK, it's been taken care of." he said into her hair._

_She wanted to look up at him, to see what expression he had in his eyes, but she couldn't bear the thought of letting him go. "OK, Mulder, what do you mean, it's been taken care of?" _

_He sighed as he reluctantly let her go and looked deeply into her eyes, "I arranged it a few months back. Danny did some creative accounting for me, my family's money has been moved to a discrete account, no names necessary, just an account number and a password."  
Scully looked up at him, her eyes wide in surprise, "So, we're going to be OK?"_

_Mulder answered "we're going to be more than OK" then he kissed her and drew her up against him again. _

As she remembered what happened next, she could feel herself blushing. Mulder had been gone a long time, and they had a lot to make up for, their lovemaking that evening was as fierce as it was tender- full of need, want, and familiarity.


End file.
